COMMONWEALTH AND I-90—Incoming reports are indicating that yet another accident has been caused by the seemingly frictionless steel plate that bisects the otherwise normal BU Bridge.

According to eye-witness reports, the victim, Andy Joiner (CGS ’18), was minding his own business, subtly checking out the girl passing him on his left, when he completely lost his footing and fell. Joiner suffered 42 injuries, including multiple fractures a concussion.

“I guess I wiped out pretty good,” said Joiner, sporting a neck brace and full-body cast at Mass General hospital. Joiner’s eyebrows knit together as he continues, “I hope nobody saw.”

“I saw the whole thing,” says Elise Green (ENG ’17), immediately after the tragedy, still somewhat in shock. “He was on the ground one second, and in the air the next! The thud he made when he hit the ground shook the entire bridge. Not only was it traumatic, it was the least graceful thing I’ve seen in my life.”

But Joiner isn’t the only BU student suffering from the slippery metal strip’s reign of terror. Just last week the strip was responsible for two sprained ankles and a broken rib, and a countless number of wounded egos.

“It’s just slightly too wide to step all the way over it, but also too risky to just leap,” said Natalie Shams (SED ’16), describing the offending metal plate. “I’ve held bars of soap with more traction than that thing.”

Within the BU community, students and faculty have begun questioning the necessity of this dangerous metal strip. The issue has progressed so much that some students are even planning on organizing protests.

“I’m not paying this much for tuition to be at risk every day.” said one such student organizer, Alex Min (SMG ’16). “That strip as hazardous as it is useless. What’s the point of that thing anyway? To cause us pain? I’m offended. BU should do something about it.”

At press time, when asked if he knew anything about bridge design, or if the term ‘expansion joint’ meant anything to him, Min replied, “No, why?” cocking his head with a blank stare.

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