GSU LINK—This week Student Health Services has begun to pass out stress inducing kits in the GSU link in order to prepare students for upcoming finals.
“Items in the kit are there in order to create stress and panic amongst students in order to prepare them for how they’re going to feel in about a week,” said Terry Jensen, head of Student Health. “We included items such as reminders that your rent is due, an anti-head massager, and a packet of flowers that you can put under your pillow that will keep you awake all night.”
Also included in the kit were stripped mechanical pencils. When students asked President Brown why there was no led or erasers and he said “Wow, only at a school like BU could you meet students half way there and get accused of not doing enough.”
“My favorite part of the kit is probably the ‘How Much Debt Are You In” temperature stick. You put your finger on it, like a mood ring, and the color that you match with indicates how much debt you’re in. I got 100,00 dollars! Neat!”
Philosophy Professor Kirk Daniels contributed to the kits by adding in fortune cookie sized papers that read questions like “Are you sure you want to pursue this major?” and “How are you going to make money doing that?”
Several other departments have added study guides and practice problems notes from just before the class completely changed its curriculum. Also included are pictures of adorable puppies that are very far away.
At press time, students realized that the kits themselves are made in sealed plastic that are particularly stressful to open without scissors, not coincidentally also found in the kit.