SLOANE HOUSE—President Brown recently announced that he has selected a candidate to fill the position of his Spring 2021 Butler Intern. The internship, in which one lucky student gets to live with President Brown in his Gothic Revival mansion and answer to his every whim and desire, is a highly coveted position amongst students hoping to enter the hospitality industry. 

The fortunate candidate this time around is Chester Keating (SHA ‘21), a top hospitality student. 

“I am so grateful for this opportunity,” said Keating while, donning his mandated bowtie and white gloves. “I’m so excited to serve a man of such exquisite taste and over the top wealth.”

Tasks of the internship include: shampooing and trimming President Brown’s mustache, setting up for his croquet games, upkeeping his Rhett shaped hedge (RIP), polishing his comically large mahogany dining room table, counting all of the money and gold he keeps in a vault hidden behind his underground wine cellar everyday, and feeding him caviar from a silver spoon.

Keating told The Bunion that his first assignment for his Butlership will be accompanying President Brown on his fox hunt with Prince Harry and a hologram of Andrew Carnegie.

“Yeah President Brown did ask me to speak in a British accent the entire time to seem more ‘refined’ which is a little weird, but mostly I think I’m just supposed to make sure their angora wool coats don’t get muddy and that their Thoroughbred horses are taken care of,” Keating said.

At press time, Keating was seen attending an elite butler networking conference with such high profile butlers as Martin from The Parent Trap and Riff Raff from Rocky Horror.

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