Photoshopped by Jacob Cohen (COM '22)
Daniel Kool

Daniel Kool is a Freshman from Minnesota studying Journalism. He plays the banjo but hopes you won’t judge him for it.

QUESTROM SCHOOL OF BUSINESS— An investigation from The Bunion recently confirmed that Nevil Sullivan (QST ’20), on track to graduate Summa Cum Laude this Spring, actually inherited his GPA from his alumnus father, Murphy Sullivan (SMG ’78).

The news – which follows allegations that Sullivan was loaned 100 credits upon admission – is a stark contrast to Sullivan’s self-praised study methods and often-preached philosophies emphasizing the importance of hard work and independence.

BU Admissions was quick to step in following growing student concerns, clarifying the legitimacy of the senior’s standing. “To start Nevil at academic ground zero, to strip him of the grades his father worked so hard to earn, would simply be an injustice to them both,” said Admissions Officer Carol Schmick from behind an ornate desk in the newly renovated Sullivan Wing of the GSU.

“Legacy alumni and their children are an inalienable tenet of Boston University’s culture,” she continued. “Without their generosity, the campus would be little more than a mess of unnamed buildings infested with restless grade chasers.”

Murphy Sullivan declined to comment, though his representatives issued a statement urging non-legacy students to “remember their place.”

Nevil told The Bunion that he was tired of facing discrimination for his legacy status. “Really, it’s none of anyone else’s business,” he said while adjusting the collar of his heirloom BU sweater. “They have no right to know.”

“I’ve put in just as much effort and struggled just as much as any one of those SADs,” he continued, using the legacy students’ abbreviation for Standard Admission Decision students. “There’s been plenty of times that I seriously considered dropping out, and maybe taking my ol’ man up on that VP position at his firm.”

Nevil added that the heirloom GPA was just as much of an accomplishment as that of any of his peers. “I’m as much of a self-starter as any standard admit,” he explained. “The only difference is that I didn’t have to do it by myself.”

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