BU BEACH—This past Saturday, a new class of inductees were welcomed to join the Scarlet Key Society, a prestigious collection of members of the Boston University community. New inductees were disappointed to learn, however, that the Scarlet Key unlocks Dean Elmore’s chastity belt.
“Ugh, are you serious?” said Hannah Chabot (SMG ‘14), a new inductee.
“I did Student Food Rescue for four years and worked as an Orientation Leader for two, but I didn’t ever think something like this would happen as a result,” said Sean Travers (COM ’14), another recipient.
“The Scarlet Key Society is a lifetime membership,” said Dean Elmore in his address, while wearing the large, impregnable chastity belt which has remained sealed since the ceremony for last year’s inductees. “You are the best and brightest members of our community who have proven yourselves time and time again. We’re so happy to honor you. No matter where life takes you, you’re always welcome back here.”
“Seriously, any time,” added Elmore, licking his lips. “You’re always welcome back.”
Witness accounts report that the ceremony concluded with a sword-tapping tradition and a demonstration of how to use the key.