CAS—On any given weekday afternoon, The College of Arts and Sciences is bustling with it’s usual activity. This Wednesday was no different, but many students were noticeably more relieved after SAO announced it’s new plant to start renting out unoccupied classrooms where students can fart in between classes.

“We’re incredibly proud of this new initiative. We call it FRR for Fart Room Rentals” says SAO manager Suzy Tanaka “Studies have shown that one of the keys to being a successful, focused student is directly related to having the freedom to rip a serious whopper whenever you need to. After all, you are paying 60,000 dollars a year to go here.”

“It’s like having to tell a friend a secret, and being able to yell it in private, instead of whispering it, piece by piece, in public,” said Seth Lowther  (COM ‘17) as he exited room 225 at 3:30, halfway through a scheduled blast-a-thon

Some students and faculty questioned the practicality of this new initiative, because every session renders a classroom absolutely unusable for about a full hour afterwards. These critics were opposed by unexpected accounts of bonding and camaraderie.

“The first time I saw her, she was standing right in the middle of room 522.” Gillian Waters (SHA ’19) fondly recalls meeting her now girlfriend, “She immediately caught my attention because most people stay shamefully in the corners. Not her. Our eyes met, and I barely took in her infectious smile before the sound of what I can only describe as a broken WWII foghorn starting blaring. I just knew she was special.”

At press time, student groups were informed by SAO that FRR will take precedence over existing reservations and scheduled activities.

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