ESPLANADE– Yesterday police concluded their search for a local furry who had gone missing after determining that he is actually now made of stone and being displayed on BU’s campus as a Rhett statue. Initial forensic evidence suggests that his transformation was likely caused by looking into the eyes of mythical Greek monster Medusa.
When a BU representative was questioned about the ethicality of using a human being as a statue, they replied, “We see this as the purest form of school spirit imaginable. Turning yourself into stone, consensually or otherwise, and then getting to displayed by your school for all of eternity shows gives off that ‘BU spirit’ we’re famous for. Who says we don’t have school pride?”
The Bunion uncovered that this is actually not the first time BU has commissioned a statue from local eye-contact enthusiast Medusa. In 2004 she was commissioned with creating the “Harry Agganis” statue that stands outside the arena.
When asked about her inspiration for the statue, Medusa stated, “You know, I always tend to create just from the things I see around me. As soon as I locked eyes with him I knew this had to be on BU’s campus. Because it was perfect and also, it was just too late by that point.”
When asked about why she was attending the furry convention in the first place, Medusa declined to comment.
The identity of the person inside the fur suit is still unclear at this time, but the investigation is ongoing. In unrelated news, Vice President Mike Pence has not been seen publicly for multiple months now, and was last spotted boarding a plane while carrying a large duffel bag with two fluffy ears poking out of the zipper.