BAY STATE ROAD–Controversy swirls this week around the infamous Rhett Bench, who, throughout the entirety of quarantine, has yet to be seen wearing a mask.
“At first, we didn’t want to say anything,” said Scarlet (CGS ‘23), a BU tour guide who frequents Bay State Road. “But as a pillar of the BU community, Rhett Bench should be wearing a mask.”
Scarlet told The Bunion that she became determined to convince Bench of the importance of mask-wearing. “I’ll never go to quarantine again,” she said. “No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat…or trick Rhett Bench into wearing a freaking mask…I’ll never go to quarantine again!”
Unfortunately requests from Scarlet, and other university personnel, that Bench wear a mask have fallen on deaf ears.
In a heartfelt appeal to make Bench see reason, the West Campus Pumpkin begged him to take part in quarantine safety measures. “Rhett, wear a mask,” she pleaded. “If you get COVID, where shall I go? What shall I do?”
In answer, the Rhett Bench had only one thing to say. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
At press time, The Bunion approached Rhett Bench for a comment. He ignored all of our questions, instead staring straight ahead with cold metal eyes as if he were, in fact, a lifeless metal bench decoration.