Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
Anna Kate Fahey (COM '22)

Anna Kate is a sophomore studying Film & Television. She has two names in order to fit in twice the personality.

BAY STATE ROAD–Controversy swirls this week around the infamous Rhett Bench, who, throughout the entirety of quarantine, has yet to be seen wearing a mask.

“At first, we didn’t want to say anything,” said Scarlet (CGS ‘23), a BU tour guide who frequents Bay State Road.  “But as a pillar of the BU community, Rhett Bench should be wearing a mask.”

Scarlet told The Bunion that she became determined to convince Bench of the importance of mask-wearing.  “I’ll never go to quarantine again,” she said.  “No, nor any of my folk.  If I have to lie, steal, cheat…or trick Rhett Bench into wearing a freaking mask…I’ll never go to quarantine again!”

Unfortunately requests from Scarlet, and other university personnel, that Bench wear a mask have fallen on deaf ears.

In a heartfelt appeal to make Bench see reason, the West Campus Pumpkin begged him to take part in quarantine safety measures. “Rhett, wear a mask,” she pleaded. “If you get COVID, where shall I go? What shall I do?”

In answer, the Rhett Bench had only one thing to say. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

At press time, The Bunion approached Rhett Bench for a comment. He ignored all of our questions, instead staring straight ahead with cold metal eyes as if he were, in fact, a lifeless metal bench decoration.

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