Photoshopped by Patrick Rayburn (COM '23)
Lauren Kelmar (COM '21)

Lauren is a junior from Palo Alto, CA studying Film and Television. She thinks flaming hot cheetos and Nutella go well together.

CAS BATHROOM — Mitchell Dorhut (CAS ‘23, 6’5) was just minding his own business peeing in the bathroom stall on the third floor of CAS when he looked over to his right. There he saw Nate Berner (CAS ‘23, 6’7) peeing away into anything but the toilet bowl.

As Berner’s pee began leaking into Dorhut’s stall, soaking his shoes, Dorhut looked over the bathroom stall, nodded, and struck up a conversation.

“Sup man, what’s up?” Dorhut said.

“Sup bro, nothing just peeing,” Berner responded. “You know how it be.”

Both boys proceeded to look down and then over to each other again while continuing to pee.

“Crazy how short these stalls are,” Dorhut said.

“Yeah man, we should really make a club or something for people tall enough to stand over the bathroom stalls, since we’ve already seen each other’s wieners and stuff,” Berner responded.

Robert Jacobs, a Boston University student (4’3) researching how tall students always seem to be friends, happened to be in the bathroom washing his hands at the same time. Lucky him!

“It was such a blessing,” Jacobs said. “Here I was, dedicating years and years of my life to this question, and the answer is just handed to me on a silver platter. Getting to observe their behaviors for myself instead of reading data on spreadsheets really advanced my pee-search.”

At press time, Dorhut and Berner were seen walking down Comm. Ave surrounded by other tall students they met over bathroom stalls. None of them were talking to each other.

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