WARREN TOWERS—To an innocent bystander, Sunday’s floor meeting on 18C looked like any other. But according to an amateur phone video sent to The Bunion by an anonymous resident, this was far from the truth.
The video shows RA Conor Brafton (ENG ‘20) cheerfully kicking off the meeting. “Hi, everyone! So glad that you could make it!”
“I said, so glad that you could make it,” Brafton growls with gritted teeth.
“Happy to be here, Master Brafton!!!” replied the residents, trembling. A freshman bursts out crying. One farts in fear.
“Aw, I’m blushing! You guys are too much!” he exclaims, slapping a nearby girl on the shoulder. She vomits onto the person in front of her.
The video goes on to show Brafton starting a round of icebreakers until he notices the camera. Shortly after, the phone tumbles to the ground and the video cuts out.
The resident agreed to comment only if his identity was kept secret.
“He can’t know that I’m talking to you. He’ll have me spanked in front of Father! I’ll never get a job at Father’s company if he sees me getting spanked! Nepotism only gets a guy so far!” he wailed.
“We skipped one floor meeting- one! We didn’t think much of it until we got an email saying that there would be consequences if we didn’t go to the next one. The next day, we found dozens of dead silverfish spread out on our buddy Brad’s bed with a note that said, ‘Sunday, 7 P.M. Lots of love, Conor.’”
“It only got worse from there- he terrorized us every day leading up to Sunday. Brian woke up one morning to find a jar of Conor’s toenail clippings on his desk. I opened my underwear drawer to find a copy of a love letter that he wrote to my sister.”
When The Bunion reached out to Brafton, he was more than happy to talk about his renegade tactics.
“This job is a responsibility that I do not take lightly,” he explained, patting his name tag that he pinned through his bare skin. “I am unapologetic- nay, I am proud! Let them cower in fear! Let them know that I, Conor Brafton, will do whatever it takes to get them to my meetings!”