Monday 11:08 AM
RA: Hi guys! I noticed that someone left their razor in the shower stall and it has been there for the past week. I saw that the hair is like super short and gray which is weird lol. Unless we got some graying college students already hahahaha. I know I’m feeling weathered, old, and rundown this semester, besties!! Anyways, if it is anyone’s please make sure to take it.
LOL thanks squad!!!
Tuesday 9:12 PM
RA: hi besties! I noticed that there was a half eaten wheel of gorgonzola left in the common room. It had really tiny bite marks. It was as if something or someone was nibbling on it. The smell was so rancid that my eyes actually started burning ahaha. Obviously we do not want to leave our garbage in the common room for others to clean up (like me LOL)! Thanks.
Wednesday 6:32 PM
RA: Hey so there’s a lot of papers left in the common room, but they are piles of photos of that one rat from Flushed Away. It was the kind of handsome rat with the hair.
RA: There was also erotic fanart of the aforementioned rat from Flushed Away in promiscuous positions mixed into the piles. I am not here to kink shame anyone, but the common room is not the best place for personal pornography to be kept. We have to keep our spank bank confined to our rooms, folks.
RA: Like I have my pornography kept in the bottom drawer of my desk in a Paw Patrol lunchbox!
RA: I know you guys know what I’m talking about! It’s the Flushed Away rat! He was the kind of hot animated rat. I dated a guy in highschool who looked like that but he cheated on me with his SATs tutor LOL men r pigs amiright!!!
RA: Anyways, please do not leave your personal photos of the rat from Flushed Away in the common room. Thx.
Thursday 5:43 PM
RA: hello everyone, it has come to my attention that someone clawed the word “roddy lover” onto my door. This is not true because I personally do not find the rat from Flushed Away to be sexy, but I know that some people do….
RA: roddy is the name of that sexy rat from Flushed Away BTW…..
RA: now i do not want to point fingers, but it has become glaringly obvious that these claw marks might belong to someone small and not to call anyone out, I just have noticed that Sophie has really tiny hands and long nails.
Sophie: uhhh it was not me.
Sophie: wait…how noticeable are my tiny hands????
Friday 11:49 PM
RA: I know it is Friday, but I am hearing an awful lot of noise tonight. The noise is odd though. It is almost like… skittering? It is a mix of skittering and “Please Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths….
RA: I have tried to locate the source of the skittering, but everytime I walk down the hall it ceases. So, to whomever is loudly skittering and playing The Smiths at a bass thumping level: please stop. Please.
Saturday 4:36 PM
RA: okay i have officially had it! I literally told my therapist about this and she kept trying to up my prescription dosage BUT I KNOW something is afoot. Whoever is behind the clawing and the skittering and the male manipulator music and the photos of the handsome rat from Flushed Away PLEASE come forward. The housing board is going to fire me and do you guys think I took this job for FUN!?!? I cannot go back to working at Warren Dining. Never again.
RA: At this point, I’m not even going to report you. I just need to know. I just need closure.
RA:…… if no one says anything I am doing a random room check this week.
Ratthew: oh hey yea my b…