SLEEPER HALL—Sources confirmed Thursday that resident advisor Alexa Roth (SED ’15), who was on call the previous evening, accidentally used her phone sex voice to answer a late-night request for a temporary key.

“Hey big boy, you locked out?” Roth asked in a soft, sensual whisper. “Why don’t you come on down her and pay me a visit? I won’t bite—unless you’re into that,” she continued, her voice descending into a low, raspy moan.

Caller Gabe Stein (CGS ’18) found himself with conflicted emotions upon hanging up the phone.

“I was definitely taken aback, but I also found myself oddly aroused,” Stein said. “There’s just such a devilish thrill in engaging with an authority figure so salaciously.”

When asked for comment, Roth openly admitted to using her “sexy baby” voice while on the job, dismissing the faux pas as a simple mistake resulting from sleep deprivation.

“Look, it gets pretty boring down here. I try to use my time productively, so I took a side-gig,” Roth said. “It was late, I was tired. Stuff like this happens all the time.”

Roth went on to provide an in-depth explanation as to why she works as a phone sex operator.

“Phone sex is fun. I’m pretty shy and conservative, so it’s nice to show my wild side once in a while—to release the wild beast within me, if you will. Plus, the money’s great.”

She continued, “it’s great practice for real-life situations, too. I used to be really nervous during sexual encounters—I lost my virginity while watching ’Trainspotting’—but this job has really taught me to take control. Uncharacteristic of me, I know, but that just makes it more fun.”

Witnesses said that Stein was trying his best to conceal his erection as he got in the elevator after retrieving the key.

“He kept adjusting his pants and placing a copy of Eat, Pray, Love in front of his crotch so as to throw me off, but I wasn’t fooled,” Pete Cohen (CAS ’17) said. “He was packing heat down there.”

At press time, Claflin Hall RA Steve Hayden (CAS ‘15) was trying out his terrible Christopher Walken impression during a call involving a medical emergency.

Leave a Reply