Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21).
Reid Phillips (COM '22)

Reid Phillips is a Film & TV major from New Jersey, and is therefore an unapologetic Chris Christie stan. When not busy writing fake articles, and acting like it's hard, she can be found blankly staring at her computer in the library with an unopened textbook.

Summer’s here, and you know what that means! The days are getting longer, the shorts are getting shorter and the fun is about to begin. 

Everyone wants to have a hot girl summer, but few know exactly what that entails. That’s why we’ve got the (newly single!) Queen Elizabeth to give you a step-by-step guide on how to have the hottest summer ever. 

    1. Get Rid of the Competition – While everyone wants to have their hot girl summer, it’s simply not mathematically possible. How are you supposed to play the field if there’s professionals out there?! That’s why the first thing any aspiring hot girl needs to do is get rid of the competition. People in your kingdom distracted by the hot new American from the bad lawyer tv show? Smear her in the press and pressure her to leave the country! She’ll be out of your hair in no time, leaving you with easy access to the sexiest singles in the land.
    2. Keep it OUT of the Family – I know that tall guy you’ve been seeing around at weddings is cute. You’ve probably said to yourself “5th cousins- that’s nothing! I bet we’re not even blood related” but trust me – you DON’T wanna go there. When trying to maintain a pure bloodline, you’re inviting drama into your life. And in the immortal words of Megan Thee Stallion “I ain’t messin’ with no drama!”
    3. Deck Yourself Out – I never leave the palace without a tiara, and an ivory bracelet  made from the tusk of a baby elephant – it’s understated, but very effective. If that’s out of your budget, you can find a dupe from my new collaboration with SHEIN (coming out later this month)! 
    4. When in Doubt, Try a Royal Decree – if all else fails, force the peasants to adhere to your whims! Hot girl summer is guaranteed to happen if you make it so there are no other alternatives, so stop manifesting and start mandating! 

We may never match the absolute vibe that was Summer 2019, but darn it if we don’t try and get really really close. Follow these tips and you’ll be well on your way to royal hot-girlness. 

 

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