MUTTLIFE STADIUM—Disaster struck in the middle of Animal Planet’s Tenth Annual Puppy Bowl yesterday as countless players were taken off the field in what witnesses are calling an “adorable annihilation” by puppy-concussion.
“I had to pause for a moment to take it all in,” said sideline camera man John Barker, “There was so much tiny carnage. How could this happen?”
The trouble started when all-star pitbull-mix Delachaise, recipient of last season’s “Who’s a Good Girl?” award, head-butted Schnauzer pup Opie while both were chasing the fuzzy football.
“Yorkshire Terrier Sparky’s first quarter contact with Greyhound Taser was an unfortunate sign of things to come, as the hit was undeniably above the collar,” said Animal Planet spokesman Michael Bern. “A flag was thrown but was instantly chewed up by Coco the poodle.”
After the red flag was thrown for unnecessary roughness, the players had already began to duke it out. This led to aggressive tackles, shoving, and even some nose biting.
All seven injured puppy athletes were diagnosed with little puppy concussions after an examination at the on-site infirmary in sad conclusion to a game that included tiny paws, many “aww’s,” and massive, heart-rending head trauma.
This event has also brought some debate to the Boston University causing many students to press the organization.
“We need to protect these little snookums. I mean look at that face!” said Mary Wright (SAR ’14). Other students seen crying over the adorably sad photos could not be reached for comment.
“Little is known about the long-term effects of such damage,” said a director of BU’s Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy. “But this is certainly as sad as it is adorable.”
At press time, quarterbacks Peyton Mastiff and Jack Russell Wilson have no comment.