Ethan Brown (COM/CAS '21)

Ethan is a junior from Bethel, CT studying Film & Television and Environmental Analysis & Policy.

WHDH HQ—In the era of fake news and alternative facts, WHDH 7News in Boston hit the jackpot with Tuesday’s story: “Public transportation in Boston 2nd best in the country.” Calling Boston 2nd in accessibility and convenience and 10th in public transit resources, Boston supposedly beat every other city in the United States except Seattle. If this story helped you sleep at night, we at The Bunion want to help you sleep even more by giving you 5 more lies you can tell yourself.

1. Last year’s tuition increase was the smallest increase in BU’s history.

Pshh. As if anyone was going to believe that! Sure, it may be that if you go back in time and look at the numbers every year, the percentages work out where last year was the smallest. But like, come on.

2. The sound of cars on Comm Ave sound like waves on the beach.

Unless the beach you’re from is right next to a Nascar racetrack, then this one is just malarkey. Are you really gonna tell me that a patch grass right next to a highway is like nature? That’s shallow.

3. Mmmmm, I love how the savory of the pizza pairs with the sweetness of the pineapple.

No you don’t. That’s disgusting.

4. I’m hanging out with my friends tonight, it’s gonna be a blast!

HA! Which ones? Michael, Jim, and Dwight or Leslie, Ron, and April? Am I smelling smoke, or is it just your pants on fire?

5. The tooth fairy isn’t real.

Yeah, ok, nice try. If the tooth fairy isn’t real, then who took my tooth and put a dollar under my pillow?

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