COLLEGE OF GENERAL STUDIES–All hell broke loose for Professor Luigi McKearns on Wednesday afternoon when he found himself inextricably stuck in one of the musty, unreliable elevators of CGS.

“It’s amazing how much he managed to do in the 15 minutes before we got there,” says BU Facilities member Julian Flannard. “He shot six video diaries, emailed his class informing them of his impending absence…he even made me this beautiful thread of origami cranes.”

His students waited anxiously in the classroom, despite the fact that they were legally allowed to leave following his more-than-15-minute late arrival.

When later interviewed about the harrowing predicament, Professor McKearns made clear that his family –namely, his precious bulldog, Sheila– were the only things keeping him going.

“I just wanted to call them and tell them I loved them one final time. But when I took out my Samsung and saw their beautiful faces, I said ‘No Lu Lu, NO! You gotta KEEP GOIN!’ And that’s when I tried scaling the walls of the elevator shaft.”

McKearns’ students have begun tying formal collared shirts around their heads as bandanas to echo the professor’s badass look on that fateful day.

Sophie Lynn (CAS ‘21) remains baffled by her Social Science instructor’s capricious brain.

“I’m telling you, ask the man anything about the past 5,000 years of China’s history and he’d have an answer for you no problem. But put him in the lift and trust him to press a floor can do.”

Professor McKearns is now required by the university to travel with an elevator buddy whenever he is not taking the stairs.

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