COM-—After a record-breaking string of alley-oops into his metal wire trash bin, Professor Allen Jenkins became the first BU faculty member to be inducted into the athletics hall of fame for trash can lay ups.
“He has near perfect form. It’s almost majestic to watch” remarked his student, Jason Greene (COM ‘18). “No one can slam dunk a half-eaten hoagie quite like Professor Jenkins.”
According to his fellow faculty members, Jenkins’ talent didn’t come easy to him. It took him two years to earn his graduate degree in teaching, then six more years training as a minor league trash can baller in Topeka, Kansas before landing a job in Boston.
“I don’t take this honor lightly” explained Jenkins to us. “I’ve seen people give up their dreams of fame so quickly. For me, it took years of commitment, discipline, following a diet consisting only of Gatorade and protein powder, and a whole lot of love for the game I play.”
Jenkins practices on and off the court, as he’s often seen pelting garbage across campus, nearly killing students and faculty alike.
“His method of training may be unconventional” reported head of the athletics department, Sandra Meyers. “However, we’ll allow him to do whatever it takes as long as it keeps BU at the top of the charts in trashketball.”
At press time, Professor Jenkins was seen slam dunking a Dunkin’ Donut’s donut.