Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
Liam Grogan (COM '23)

Liam Grogan is a Freshman in COM studying Film/TV, but if his parents ask he's studying business in Questrom...

Prodigy sensation Jonathan Hicks (SAR ‘24) has been making big waves this week for already experiencing levels of clinical depression and anxiety normally seen in Juniors or Seniors, despite the fact that he is only a freshman. 

He attributes most of his achievement  to a solid regimen of refusing to eat vegetables or even entire meals, refusing to exercise, and never leaving his room for fresh air. He also said that he sleeps either 4 or 15 hours per night, but never anything in between.

BU has touted this incredible accomplishment  to the power of their top-notch higher education system. Said a BU spokesperson, “Our students have always been willing to go the extra mile to be the best, and this just proves it. After seeing Jonathan pushing himself so far beyond his limits, we’re beginning to think he might not have any at all.

Jonathan says he attributes most of his success to his parents, and being raised with the right mentality. “Growing up they always said if you’re going to do something, make sure you’re the best at it, and that’s something I’ve always held on to. It’s like, yeah I already cried for four hours today, but it’s time to dig extra deep for that fifth hour, because that’s what winners do.”

Some experts have contested Hicks’s achievement however, saying that setting a record like this during quarantine is “kind of like Mike Tyson fighting a kindergartener with two broken arms”

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