PRESIDENT BROWN’S HOME—With President’s Day approaching, reports are indicating that although students are excited about the day off, few are more excited than President Brown himself, who will allegedly stay up all night waiting for the day to come.
“He’s been doing this as long as I’ve known him,” said Dean Kenneth Elmore, “decorating the whole house, writing letters to George Washington; He even leaves out a plate of milk and cookies, which honestly, I think are really just for him.”
“My parents always tell me it’s better to go right to sleep so the day comes faster,” Brown said with a heartwarming grin on his face, “but I just get so excited, I can’t help it.”
Sources are reporting that Brown can be found at 3AM Monday morning, all tuckered out and curled in a ball by his fireplace as per usual.
“Yeah Rob is always the first one to wake everyone up in the morning on President’s Day with a long list of activities,” said Drew Faust, President of Harvard University. “We all just want to sleep in a little and then we can open presents and shit. Someone needs to tell him to settle down.”