COMM AVE—Sources report that after his dramatic outburst on Wednesday, President Brown is being assured that he will still be president after the November election.

“We have to do this every four years,” explained Dean Elmore. “You’d think he’d get how this works by now.”

Brown was seen preparing his campaign by marathoning the first season of House of Cards.

“I heard him practice for the debates and everything,” explained first lady Brown. “Instead of singing in the shower he just talks about foreign policy.”

Brown has asked colleagues and administrators to continue calling him “presidentas a pet name even if he doesn’t win the election.

At press time, President Brown was trying to gain popularity with college students by being the president of a university.

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