MARSH PLAZA – Sources report that President Brown has confiscated Dean Elmore’s hoverboard following recent reports that they are dangerous.
“I know they explode and stuff, but they are so cool.” said Elmore
“And I really just want to be cool.” added the Dean, who has proven time and time again that he is cool, through his iconic bowties and converse pairing.
President Brown’s actions are part of his long standing plan to reduce Dean Elmore’s coolness. Many students speculate that this seems to be a misguided effort to make Brown feel cooler, something the president has only attempted to accomplish through a walrus-esque mustache.
“I didn’t ban hoverboards because they explode. Explosions are cool, we all know that. I banned them because Kenneth had one and it made me feel lame.” Commented Brown, who is unable to operate a hoverboard due to its 300lb weight limit.
At press time President Brown was seen rolling around on his heelys and showing everyone his new tamagotchi, something he thinks is “very cool.”