BUPD BARRACKS—Boston University President Robert Brown was caught in the act of spray painting offensive images and words under the BU Bridge in what authorities say is the latest attempt to besmirch the Boston City Council after the body subpoenaed Brown last week.
“Ummm, I was just, uhhhh,” Brown said as city officials witnessed him shading his tag, which read “Fuk BC and Citi Counzel.”
Brown has been on a major crime spree ever since he broke the law last week by refusing to attend a city council meeting on diversity at Boston University.
“Starting last Tuesday, an artist with the signature of ‘Brownsy” began defiling public spaces all across Boston,“ said BUPD Captain Robert Molloy. “The tags often insult Boston College or Boston City Council, and all have been accompanied by crude drawings of penises.”
Brown was allegedly ordering Sinclar, his limo driver, to drive him around Boston late at night so that he could paint in the protection of darkness. Police traced the tags to Brown after analyzing a number of grey mustache hairs found at one of the crime scenes.
Brown was arrested late Monday, but managed to escape prison early Tuesday morning. Sinclair orchestrated the jail break after transforming the limo into a hover car and scooping Brown out of the clink.
“This isn’t the end of the Brown crime wave,” President Brown screamed as the limo zoomed off in the night. “Brown is going to turn this city into a den of vice and delinquency.”
At press time, there were still too many white faculty at Boston University.