COMMONWEALTH AVENUE—Boston University president Robert Brown was caught in the act of puffing on a fatty sativa joint on the BU Bus, a move authorities say is an attempt by Brown to forget the past and “just chill” after being subpoenaed last week.

“Why the pigs harshing my mellow?” Brown asked as city officials entered the smoke-filled bus, which was was blaring the song “No Woman, No Cry” by Bob Marley.

This continues the president’s string of crimes committed after failing to attend the Boston City Council’s meeting on a lack of diversity in both faculty and among accepted students.

While Brown has been hesitant to address issues of diversity at BU, the marijuana present in his body loosened his tongue.

“So, my friend, I wish that you could see, like a bird in the tree, the prisoners must be free,” Brown said, quoting a Marley song. “So jah see, yeah!”

Police recovered three two packs of rolling papers, five vaporizers and four mega bongs from Brown’s office after detaining him.

“Brown’s stash of smoking equipment was enormous,” said BUPD Chief Robert Molloy. “Besides the paraphernalia we also recovered three drug rugs and a copy of Jack Kerouac’s ‘On The Road.’”

At press time, President Brown was using Visine.

Leave a Reply