COMM AVE—Earlier today, Boston University President Robert Brown and Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore were seen walking down Commonwealth Avenue together. The two were reportedly not holding hands.
An obvious wave of outrage and misery has filled students following this discovery, many of whom appear to be in denial over the travesty.
“I just don’t get it,” lamented Will DeBonnaire (CFA ‘17). “I thought they were best friends. Why wouldn’t they be holding hands?”
“I know whoever saw it saw it wrong,” argued Wendy Siltzman (ENG ’18). “If there’s anything I know, it’s that they hold hands when they walk. They’re best friends, they obviously hold hands all the time.”
As leading authority figures at the university, Brown and Elmore often work together and are frequently seen together in public, lending to their public image as a duo.
“Are they not brothers?” asked Steven Marshkoff (COM ’19). “I always thought they were brothers. Still, I hope everything’s okay, those guys are best friends, they should be holding hands.”
Neither Brown nor Elmore have been available to comment, which only has students more worried.
“That’s it, something must be up,” said DeBonnaire. “If those two aren’t holding hands anymore, you’ve got to wonder what hope is left for the rest of us best friends.”
At press time, Dean Elmore and President Brown were individually seen not kissing their wives.