Eight students have come forward claiming they have seen an Elvis impersonator, bearing a striking resemblance to President Robert A. Brown, looming around the Kenmore-Back Bay area at odd hours of the night.
Half of the students claim to have seen President Brown in a white jumpsuit and a black wig. The other half claim to have seen him in baby blue number with the same black wig and sunglasses.
Solidifying that this Elvis fellow was in fact President Brown was the nifty rolling suitcase the man had in tow. Everyone at BU knows the rolling suitcase is a classic and essential Robert A. Brown accessory.
As these rumors began to swirl around BU, President Brown and the administration seemed to be oblivious to the claims. On March 15, 2021, President Brown sent out an email to the entire BU community but seemed to have forgotten to sign out of his personal email account, firstname.lastname@example.org.
The email stated “Are you in need of entertainment for a birthday, wedding, anniversary, Bar or Bat Mitzvah soon? Look no further than Bob! Named in the Top 10 Elvis Impersonators in Suffolk County and in the Top 500 Elvis Impersonators in New England, Bob is guaranteed to bring a little less conversation and little more action! Starting today, there are new sales on our party packs: Graceland Basic, Graceland Basic Plus, and Graceland Deluxe. You don’t want to miss out on this deal, so get on your blue suede shoes and book Bob.”
The next morning President Brown released a video statement via email.
In the video, he stated, “Dear friends, I am not going to beat around the bush today. By now all of you have read or heard of the email. It is true, I am an Elvis impersonator.” He ended the video with a costume change saying, “Thank you, thank you very much.”
It has come to The Bunion’s attention that BU Summer Orientation has hired Bob the Elvis impersonator for entertainment. In light of this addition, tuition will be raised an extra whopping $1,000 to accommodate for this performance.