By: Charlotte Tolman

FENWAY DINING HALL— Professor L was spotted using a PC for 8 hours. Rather than use a laptop, he prefers to lug his entire setup around campus. This choice endangers Professor L’s files and anyone in the surrounding area. Campus security even set up warning signs outside of the dining hall with a picture of this man. 

A student reported that the cord was attached to 3 other extension cords, making it more of a health hazard than the food. Half of the students who ate there reported to have unusual bruises the next morning. One kid was even unconscious for 5 minutes from his fall. It wasn’t the first time that this happened, according to his friends who left him out cold on the ground.

A Bunion survey reports that spilling Pepsi on his set up was the most popular method to put Professor L out of his misery. 

Later that day, a BU Groundskeeper mistook him as one of his staff after noticing that he was sweating profusely and was hauling a wheelbarrow around to carry no, not mulch, but a computer set up instead. The groundskeeper told him about his woodchipper and how it can “shred anything,” including the desktop. He also mentioned that one of their lawn mowers could destroy it in one swipe. The professor refused this advice.

After coming to class with a broken leg while trying to haul the PC around, a student tirelessly tried to teach him how to use a laptop. She told us that it reminded her of the time that her grandpa looked at a picture of her family and said “who the hell are these girls.” The professor screamed that the Russians were going to “steal his identity,” and that it won’t run his “games” at a high enough speed? 

This may explain his continued use of a PC, but it does not explain why these students’ papers weren’t graded for 3 months. 

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