Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
Lily Dales

Lily Dales (CAS '21) is an English and history major from Dallas, TX. Catch her accidentally falling on Comm Ave (she's quirky and can't help it). If you are going to speak to her in Spanish, please address her in the formal "usted."

Like many BU students, I was unable to return to campus to pack up after spring break. I’d heard about Housing possibly repurposing vacated dorms, but I never expected that someone would actually move into my space.

Least of all, I never expected that person to be President Brown! I got an email from my RA explaining the situation to me—President Brown can do whatever he wants, and he needed “a change of scenery” and to “quarantine somewhere other than his 7-million-dollar mansion.” 

This is so weird for me! I have a collection of Beanie babies on my dresser, and I don’t want the president of my university knowing that one of them is named Michael Cera.

I get it, my apartment is really cute. I have string lights in my room and a super nice Keurig. I have a bohemian tapestry, a collection of empty Svedka bottles, and a succulent in my living room. But still, am I wrong to be uncomfortable with a 68-year-old man sleeping under my Michael Cera’s face blanket at night?

It’s a huge invasion of privacy. I left my journal on my bedside table before spring break. What if he opens it and reads about my huge crush on Michael Cera? I would die of embarrassment if he discovers that. Or if he uses my Michael Cera body pillow. That pillow was a limited edition and cost me over $200!

I wish Housing would do something about this, but they refuse to take me seriously. I’ve called the office three times about this. I’ve sent five emails. Every response is the same:

Dear futuremrs.michaelcera@hotmail.com,

President Brown has the authority to do as he wishes.

Sincerely,

BU Housing

I can’t sleep because I’m so worried about President Brown going through my things. I lay awake at night, staring at the Michael Cera mural on the wall of my childhood bedroom until the early hours of the morning. Why can’t he just quarantine in his own house?

President Brown, if you’re reading this, please move out of my Stu Vi apartment. Also, could you invite Michael Cera to be the commencement speaker next year?

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