Photoshopped by Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)
Alex Schaffer

Alex is a graduate student from West Virginia studying in the MS Television program. The first concert she attended was Bruce Springsteen when she was 8, so she has a really strong fist pump.

Meeting the right person in college can be difficult, but for me it was so simple. I learned that it is possible to find a man who is sophisticated, romantic and alluring. I am here today to share my truth. Remember Gibby from iCarly? Yeah, well, I took his virginity.

I guess you could say we had a “meet cute.” I was walking to class with my friends and he was doing the same—but he was shirtless—so he instantly caught my attention because of his rockin’ body. I think I caught his eye too because he approached me. I was so enamored with him, that I ignored the fact that he was only talking about his mom.

At a frat party that weekend I saw him again. He was rubbing baby oil all over his body in the corner of the living room. Girls were flocking to him, but he only had eyes for one person…the dude making grilled cheese in the kitchen.

I finally worked up the courage to walk up to him and say, “Remember me?” 

He thought for a second and then said she remembered me. “You’re that girl who looks like my mom!” he told me. He seemed so into me.

We talked for a while about his appearances on iCarly and I told him the web show should have been named iGibby. I then tried to gauge whether Spencer was single and DTF. Even though my current conquest was Gibby, the unhinged artist persona had always intrigued me.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” I asked him. He didn’t know what that meant by that, so I asked if he wanted to go to Groovy Smoothie and he instantly obliged.

After getting two Strawberry Splats we went back to his place where…let’s just say…things got pretty “iheated” if you know what I mean. 

First he called his mom and talked to her for two hours, but when he was done I finally kissed him. He already had his shirt off so that was helpful.

The rest was, as they say, history….or Gibstory. Our night was so freaky, Dan Schneider couldn’t even write it.

Thank you Gibby. I wouldn’t trade those 57 seconds for anything else in the world.

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