HARRY AGGANIS WAY — I was shaking in anticipation, like dice, or the stock market. My fingers began to twitch, like a streamer, or the crusty whiskers of an Allston rat. I was about to find out who my soulmate was through the BU Marriage Pact!
I wondered if he would be someone I knew. I remembered specifying that I would only date members of the football team. I’m picky, okay? Just then, my stomach dropped, like a football, or the stock market. BU doesn’t have a football team! Who could possibly be my soulmate, since I only date men who chase olive-shaped balls?
Then a name popped up on my screen. I gasped. Harry A. Statué (PDP ‘53)? A football player and a baseball player? I instantly knew this would be true love when I realized that he was none other than the Golden Greek himself, the Harry Agganis Statue on Harry Agganis Way outside Agganis Arena. I had passed him every day on my way to and from Paradise Rock Club, but had never given him more than a passing glance.
Enamored, I immediately ran to the corner, where Harry greeted me with outstretched arms. Well, an outstretched arm. I embraced him and have never looked back. I really scored a touchdown with this one, get it? True, he’s a man of few words, he only ever wants to eat Raising Cane’s, and he doesn’t move as quickly as he used to… or at all. But when I approach him and see that ambiguous steely expression light up his eyes, I know he’s the lifeless hunk of metal for me.