Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
CJ Zachara (COM '21)

CJ is a senior in COM studying Film and Television. He is from Maplewood, New Jersey.

All I wanted was to get into the festive mood of the holidays and exchange some gifts with my friends. Secret Santa was supposed to be exciting, with the freedom of choosing a gift for someone and the anticipation of receiving from a stranger. Instead, I feel my place at BU is on the line as I choose a gift for my assignment: PRESIDENT ROBERT BROWN.

First of all, who invited him? This gift exchange is for MY student organization: the Chronic Gift-givers of Boston University. He isn’t even in on this gift loving life. 

More importantly, what do I get him? Money? He has that. A mustache care kit? Probably has that, too. The university already gifted a whole mansion furnished with thrones of cash and nude self-portraits! How am I supposed to top that?

A LEGO rendition of the Data Science Jenga Building?  I’m getting desperate here. 

I saw him on the street the other morning, rolling his mysterious briefcase, filled with loads of goodies, I’m sure. What can I possibly get him that he doesn’t already have stashed in there? He gave me a look; could he possibly know I’m assigned to him? Was he threatening me to please him, or else?

EUREKA! I have it figured out. Not many people have a biography written of them by the age of 20, but President Brown is far from average. I’ll order him a rare, first edition copy of it. I believe it’s called The Lorax.

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