BEACON ST.—As the Boston Marathon quickly approaches, authorities are gearing up for one of the highest security watch days of the year. Despite all of the actual safety concerns this weekend, police have decided that they’re really going to pretend like their top priority is to buckle down on those who are drinking alcohol under 21.
“It’s all about giving the students a good scare so that they still take us seriously,” said the Chief of Police Gary Stengle. “You should see the looks on their faces when they think they’re getting arrested! Hilarious!”
The unspoken agreement between students and policemen has been kept for years; police will act like they’re going to really persecute the underage drinker, and the drinker will act like they have something to be nervous about. Ultimately, everyone goes home happy at the end of the day, pretending like the law is legitimate.
“Sometimes I even make them say the alphabet backwards,” said Officer Donald Gates. “Not to see if they’re drunk. I already know they’re drunk. It’s just amusing and adds a little fun to my day.”
The Dean of Students, Kenneth Elmore, is even in on the joke.
“As a formality I usually send out an email warning underage students about alcohol consumption on Marathon Monday,” said Elmore. “I really ham it up.”
At press time, the BUPD was acting like they were going to confiscate your weed.