DECATUR, G.A—Last night, by a single vote, the Panhellenic Council stopped legislation that would have approved construction of the Keystone Light XL Pipeline, one of the most controversial topics amongst fraternity brothers and local breweries.

The vote was a huge win for advocates of home brewing. Matt Curpton, the creator of the most popular IPA in Texas, is elated over the decision.

“Small batch makers are already struggling to make ends meet,” Curpton said. “People like me would never be able to sell beer if there was a river of reduced-calorie booze flowing through the country.”

On the other hand, fraternity members like Joe Blart of Oklahoma State University are outraged over the decision.

“The Keystone Light Pipeline spilled 33 times in its first year!” Blart said to reporters from what remained of his lawn after last week’s party. “How awesome is that?“

Blart then proceeded to pass out from the massive amounts of yeast fumes in the air on his property.

At press time, environmentalists expressed concern about the poor decisions that the still-drunk wildlife around the Keystone pipeline are making.

Leave a Reply