Photoshopped by Vanessa Kjeldsen (COM '23)
CJ Zachara (COM '21)

CJ is a junior in COM studying Film and Television. He is from Maplewood, New Jersey.

STUVI2 —The BU Physics Department is set to host the first annual ‘Turkey Drop’, following another successful Halloween Pumpkin Drop. The event will drop countless live turkeys from the roof of StuVi2

“Since students love watching pumpkins go splat, we are hoping they’ll love the unique crunch the turkeys will make when they smack the ground,” said Cy Ense, a Physics Ph.D. candidate. “The terrified little gobble they scream while falling is so precious.”

Some students were skeptical about the event, noting that the turkeys could fly away. Ense said a test drop showed that while the turkeys could fly away, they wouldn’t once the 20-pound weight is tied to their legs before the drop.

“We aren’t sure how many turkeys will plummet to messy deaths,” said Turk E. Dropper, the MC for the event. “We plan to just keep throwing them off the roof ‘till one successfully flies away.”

Students have been protesting the event, but Ense tried to reassure people that the turkeys’ lives were being put to good use.

“All the turkeys are locally sourced, and found around campus and in Brookline,” Ense said. “No turkeys were harmed leading up to this event.”

Ense further comforted students with the news that one lucky turkey would be pardoned by President Brown and saved from plummeting to a gruesome death. 

“We aren’t completely heartless heathens,” Ense said. “It is Thanksgiving after all.”

At press time, Turkish students on campus were reported to be confused, and a flock of wild turkeys was seen hitchhiking on the Mass Pike.

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