CLAFLIN HALL—Several freshman girls in West Campus have issued complaints over the past week that they are being uncomfortably watched by a seedy upperclassman as they leave their dorm. While the man has been wearing sunglasses, they claim his eyes are perfectly visible through the lenses.

“It’s disgusting,” said Samantha Newman (SHA ‘19). “This past week has been ridiculously hot, so I’ve been dressing pretty lightly, but this creep is making me considering breaking out my winter coat early.”

“Every single day I’d walk by him, and every single day I could see his eyes following me, studying me,” explained Jen Cassidy (CGS ’19). “He’d even be there when I get back at night, which you’d think defeats the purpose of the sunglasses.”

“Doesn’t this guy have class or anything?” Cassidy asked.

The senior, whose name has been withheld, is reportedly a Women’s Studies major seeking to introduce to the school a Sexual Education minor, although his professors claim to have never seen him before.

“It’ll be really embarrassing for that guy when he finds out we can see his eyes,” said Rich Sleppern (CAS ’19). “As despicable of a guy as he is, I’m still cringing at the thought of it.

“Oh I know,” said the senior.

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