Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
Clarissa Garza

Clarissa is a junior majoring in journalism. She’s from Texas—but, don’t worry—she’s not a Republican.

It’s official: I’m going to graduate college without getting to study abroad. What am I supposed to base my entire personality off of now? What am I going to talk about when people ask me about my college experience? 

What is there to talk about when I’ve spent the last four years of my life in the states? Boston is so lame. Hub of the Universe? Doubtful. The only things I’ve done here are getting to watch the Boston Marathon, Red Sox games, and getting to learn from some of the “greatest minds.” Ugh, this city is so lame; there’s absolutely nothing to do. I might as well move to the Midwest. 

I don’t even know what I’m going to post on my Instagram next semester. I already planned out my entire feed: locations, captions, outfits, everything. Is that just supposed to go to waste? “Alexa, play London Bridge by Fergie” is just too good a caption to not use. 

What am I going to do with all the berets I bought in case I went to France for a weekend trip? Watching Emily in Paris was such a waste of time. (Audible sigh).

I even changed my Tinder location to London months ago to prepare for my semester abroad. Now I have to cancel my dates with all these beautiful British males. I was already falling in love with 5 of them and convinced 2 of them to marry me to get British citizenship. How do I break the news to them? Why did Daddy Brown have to do this to me? I guess only Taylor Swift is meant to have a London boy.

Am I just supposed to forget the British accent I spent the past few months mastering? Erase all of my tea and scone knowledge? What a waste! At least I never wasted my time trying to figure out UK politics. Is Brexit still a thing? 

I didn’t spend the entire semester mentoring a foreign exchange student from England for this; ugh, what a waste of time. Maybe I can at least put that on my resume somehow. 

I don’t even know who I am anymore. To compensate for this tremendous loss, I will be doing my LfA classes from a mysterious coffee shop in the North End.

Leave a Reply