BOOTH THEATER – Last Saturday, audiences and thespians alike reported strange, even paranormal activity at the Boston University’s brand new Booth Theater.

During the most recent show’s opening night, the theater experienced haunting occurrences. The CFA freshmen completing their indentured servitude as ushers opened the doors and found that no one had bought a ticket. The poltergeist, whoever he is, somehow prevented an audience from showing up to the performance.

Suspects include the Phantom Of The Opera, the Kilachand Ghost, and of course, John Wilkes Booth, after whom the theater is “unintentionally” named. When interrogated by the BUPD, Booth pleaded innocent, and provided a sound alibi.

“How dare you accuse me of this? At the time of this paranormal disturbance which now threatens to soil my good reputation as an apparition, I was on a sojourn in Gettysburg, making spooky noises on a ghost tour and scaring the […] out of an eighth grade field trip,” Booth told Bunion reporters.

At press time, students in the law library reported finding notes written in disappearing ink inside their textbooks, begging them for representation.

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