WEST CAMPUS—On Thursday, a bunch of brown dining hall bananas sent many students into a deep existential crisis.
“I think it’s really messed up that they would leave those there. Like, I’m just getting breakfast. I’m not trying to think about the endless expanse of time stretching out ahead of and behind me forever,” said Alan Schur (ENG ’17), before sitting down at a table and resting his head in his hands.
As soon as BU dining staff saw the distress that the slowly rotting bananas were causing, they disposed of them quickly. However, the damage had been done. Students began reminiscing about their long-gone childhoods and speculating about their all-too-soon futures.
“Green or yellow bananas make me feel like I might be young forever! These old brown ones…I don’t even want to talk about it,” commented Hannah Parker (CAS ’18). Efforts by some students to argue that riper bananas are sweeter failed miserably.
At press time, representatives from BU dining services insisted that this incident was simply a matter of waste disposal scheduling, not an effort to remind students of their fragile mortality.