GOTHAM – Since The Batman (2022)’s success at the box office, people have been getting flagrant with their disregard for other people’s situations. You never know anyone’s story, yet people walk around calling The Riddler an incel without a second thought. His name is Edward, actually. You’ve literally never met this guy, but you’re gonna go ahead and call him a convicted felon? Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

If you actually cared about what he did, maybe you should try to learn more about why he did it. Did it ever occur to you that you could, I don’t know, help him? Guess that just comes naturally to some people. Sometimes a man needs an overzealous horse girl and a prayer.

I knew when I saw that bowling ball head there was more in it than darkness and penchant for off-season pumpkin pie. To figure out his raw sexual power, I logged onto his encrypted social dark web (a Discord server with a “Minecraft Tips” channel). There I discovered that Edward Nashton wasn’t a villain at all. He was a misunderstood boy who happened to be good at bludgeoning people to death.

He didn’t ask for this life. Girls just didn’t talk to him because he “wouldn’t speak back” and “breathed heavily” and “maintained constant unflinching eye contact.” But that’s not his fault, it’s feminism’s. You think women would pass upon this Asthmatic catch if they hadn’t been blinded by pussy hats? He showers every other day!

Plus, I talked to a guy on the Discord server whose dad’s sister works as a psychiatrist’s receptionist and she thinks he might have A.D.H.D.. So, by calling him a “domestic terrorist,” – which like what does that even mean – you’re attacking a neurodivergent person. Literally, an innocent, neurodivergent minor. (Eddiekins may be over 18, but his favorite movie is still Curious George. He basically identifies as a minor, and who are you to question that?). Murder is hardly a crime when the person committing it is so young, let alone also struggling with mental illness!

So he flooded an entire city. Uh, God has done that like at least four times? When will The Riddler get the same respect?

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