I’m not one of those girls who likes to talk about bathroom stuff. I’m not ashamed of it, but I just don’t like the subject. That’s why when I say that someone needs to start a conversation about how pooping on your period is gross and horrific like a scene from “Apocalypse Now” (I’m assuming, I haven’t seen it), I think that I shouldn’t be that person.


To clarify, I’m talking about when you’re on your period and, obviously at some point you have to defecate hard, but it’s not like regular shits it’s like there’s more of it and it’s different somehow. And then it’s a mess because there’s blood and there’s also the weird, more-than-usual poop. But I don’t think – no I know – that I shouldn’t be the one to talk about it because I don’t like to talk about stuff like that.


Like, I’m horrified at myself that I even wrote those words. I don’t really like to acknowledge that I poop crazy or get my period or both at the same time. But it happens and, as a feminist, I believe that someone needs to talk about it on a public platform. I just want to make sure everyone knows that I won’t actually be that person.


I feel like if I was the one to get on the global stage and talk to the world about plopping big ones on your period, for the rest of my life, everyone’s gonna try to keep me in that box. Not that there’s anything wrong with being known for that, I just don’t want to be known for that. I’d rather be known for curing cancer or being hot on a beach. Also, I think if I was that person, then as I was describing it, everyone listening would then visualize me as the one dropping a major deuce on my period. Like I would be on the podium at DAVOS and Bill Gates would be in the audience and so Bill Gates is visualizing me dropping a major deuce on my period, whether he wanted to or not. And I just don’t think I can be that person dropping a major deuce in Bill Gates’ brain.


I think whoever decides to take on this responsibility (not me) should definitely mention the science of it. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I know there’s some biology stuff involved, like everything is bloated so your intestines make stuff faster or your stomach chemically turns your food into laxatives or something like that. Whoever is gonna talk about it should probably research that. I would be willing to help with the research, but to be clear, I don’t want to be the one telling people about that research.

The reason why I think this is important is mostly because when people have to take a trip to brown town while they’re on their period and they’re sitting on the toilet and they’re like “Oh my God,” I want them to know that they’re not alone. Because at least one other person is definitely also in brown town right next to them. That could help emotionally. It could even change the world. I just personally think I shouldn’t be the one because I’m a pretty elegant person. Not that it doesn’t happen to me, because it really, really does.

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