I know there’s a lot going on in the world right now, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. Imagine yourself about 25 years or so from now hearing this shit from your teenage son or daughter:

“I was born in the wrong decade! I wish I could have been a teenager during the coronavirus pandemic.” 

“Mom, can I borrow one of your vintage masks?”

“I would have loved to stay inside for months, baking cookies, watching old shows like Tiger King, and learning Tik Tok dances!”

“My friends and I only hang out through Zoom. It’s so retro to social distance.”

This is a real and imminent possibility. The 90s nostalgia is so real right now for people who only spent a hot minute in the decade (I’m talking about those of us born between ’96 and ’02). Butterfly clips, plaid skirts, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Nirvana, the Bush political dynasty, etc.  

Teenagers don’t listen to adults either. Imagine trying to explain why this was a chaotic time in your life and how you felt like the world was going to end every day. Your kid will just be like “whatever Mom” and then blast Folklore from his room.

I don’t think I’m overexaggerating when I say I am getting my tubes tied to avoid having a teen who thinks 2020 is a cool and acceptable aesthetic.

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