Lauren Kelmar (COM '21)

Lauren is a sophomore from Palo Alto, CA studying Journalism.

 

TSAI PERFORMANCE CENTER—Brianna Williams (COM ‘20) committed the deadliest sin when she was 4 minutes late to changing her profile picture to promote the upcoming OB show.

The OB officials told the cast to change their profile pictures at exactly 12pm, or else they would face “grave consequences.”

Unfortunately, Williams was unable to meet the deadline when she fainted at 11:59am in the middle of her statistics class.

“I was literally unconscious,” Williams said. “I don’t know what they wanted me to do.”

At 12:01 pm, Madison Maley (COM ‘19) realized that Williams had failed to post and tracked her down.

Despite seeing that Williams was on a stretcher and surrounded by EMTs, Maley dragged her twitching body into another room where 3 other OB officials were waiting.

“She knew the consequences,” Maley said. “Now all the posts weren’t uniform and no one will know that we are doing a show.”

Williams was then subjected to 10 lashings with a prop whip.

Williams laid on the ground as one official began to whip her. Another official stood aside and was responsible for making the whipping sound effects. Williams acted as if she was in pain, and Maley stood above sprinkling fake blood on her back.

At press time, The Bunion learned that Williams had a chance at redemption as OB members were told to change their cover photos once more to raise money for a fundraiser.

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