Sources report that Jen Brockman (CAS 15) still has not found a post-graduation job, even though May looms closer each day.

“It’s not that I don’t want one, but I just have stuff to do,” said Brockman, “like go to T’s and I also have a like a thing that I have to do, its for a class, but you wouldn’t get it, see I have a thing to do, it’s okay I’ll get around to it, I’m not going to be unemployed, everyone calm down.”

The more she spoke, the more it became very unclear as to what exactly was keeping Brockman from applying to even just one job.

“Get off my back, don’t worry about it, it’ll happen when it happens,” elaborated Brockman, “I’m procrastinating for a reason, I don’t want to seem to eager, because lets be real no company wants to hire someone who shows up months in advance to come in and meet them, how creepy is that!”

Brockman isn’t the only one who feels this way. Another student, Jessie Stouch (COM 15) was overheard talking to his parents on the phone in the GSU. “Get off my balls, Mom, but hey, could you book a flight home for May 11th?”

At press time, Brockman was Facetiming with her parents, only to find that her old room had been turned into a bowling alley and work out room for her little brother.

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