ICEBREAKERS — Hey there! I noticed you just got done introducing yourself to your WR101 class and couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t go too well. Do you know why that is? Do you want me to tell you why? 

Your name wasn’t the issue. Who could go wrong with Emma? A classic that Jane Austen herself would approve of. It wasn’t that you said you were from The City when you’re actually from Nassau County, Long Island. It wasn’t even because you mentioned that you’re a Leo — those dots connected when you walked in 15 minutes late with a grande macchiato. The issue arose when you said you had three dogs as your “fun” “fact.”

You completely deviated from the prompt. Your statement was neither fun nor can be verified as fact. I have three dogs, therefore your assertion is not novel and thus unfunny. Furthermore, who says? I’ve never seen your dogs and you never even offered to bring them to show and tell. I cannot trust you. 

Would it have killed you to be more like Amanda? Not only is she from Portugal, but she also spent her summer weaving exotic silk rugs in a cave surrounded by cattle ranchers in the countryside of Mongolia. You’re nothing compared to her.

All in all, I recommend getting a personality before your next icebreaker activities. Have you considered ever eating your twin in the womb or something? Grow up.

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