COLLEGE OF COMMUNICATION—Fifteen gleeful students are enrolled in Professor Deborah Jaramillo’s new course, “The Art of Modern Television,” and are challenged weekly to – ahh, enough of this bullshit. They just fucking watch episodes of Breaking Bad.
“It really opened my mind up to what television means for the modern viewer,” spewed bullshitter Sam Reynolds (COM ’13). “Vince Gilligan really changed the game of television,” Reynolds said, having constructed an empty sentence that retains absolutely zero scholarly merit.

Professor Jaramillo, who holds a doctorate in Film and Television which un-fucking-believably is a thing, contends, “In our class, we question the methodology of these modern television classics to…I’m fucking with you. I pop in any random Breaking Bad episode and the kids eat that shit up.” The class is currently watching the show’s groundbreaking fourth season finale, “Face Off,” which – hold on a fuck. This is a classroom in an esteemed university, not some fucking home theater set-up.

The classroom discussions consist of intelligent discourse on television’s ongoing transition into cinematic – holy shit, do you really think that’s what’s going on? They sit around and talk about their favorite parts in the series like a pack of douchebags.

Course readings include…nahh, a fucking dumb class like this wouldn’t have any readings. The students don’t read shit.

The class intends to prepare Television Majors and any students with an interest in television – just like, oh I don’t know, the entire fucking U.S.A. – to open their minds to the ever-changing medium via AMC’s award-winning…what a load of piss. These dicks could just watch the series on their own time.

“Yes, I would say this course is challenging,” said Dr. Jaramillo, who then laughed manically in her office for the next fifteen minutes.

As of press time, the class is fucking watching Louie.

Leave a Reply