Ethan Brown (COM/CAS '21)

Ethan is a sophomore from Bethel, CT studying Film & Television and Environmental Analysis & Policy.

WARREN DINING HALL—In an unprecedented display of statistical significance, local statistics professor Standerd “Stan” D. V. Yayshin measured a precise 1:1 correlation between quality of dining hall food and prospective student revisit days. According to Yayshin’s precise measurements, whenever prospective students were in the dining hall, the food suddenly got 100x better.

“Bro, you should’ve seen that mac and cheese bar,” remarked Yayshin’s graduate student helper Sam Pulsize (GRS ‘18). “They had hot dog bites, Italian sausage, some other stuff. They even had three types of breadcrumb toppings!”

According to Yayshin, Pulsize was sent to Warren Dining Hall every day for the last month to try the food and rate it on a logarithmic scale from 1 to 10. Yayshin then analyzed Pulsize’s measurements relative to the revisit day schedule. The data was crystal clear: every time prospective students visited, the food improved.

“I am not one to assume correlation implies causation, but in this study, it undoubtedly does,” Yayshin explained in an email to The Bunion. “Those dining halls fall between tolerable and trash on most days, but then they turn into a five-star restaurant overnight. I’m pretty sure the decor and furniture change too.”

At press time, The Bunion editors were contemplating the reality that BU has an A+ for food on Niche.com.

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