Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21).

BU COVID TESTING CENTERS – From the same people who update the COVID-19 dashboard, a new report has been released revealing that students have been taking advantage of university-mandated COVID tests. For many students, this is the most socialization they get all week.

“I don’t have a roommate, so I try to schedule four COVID tests a week, because sometimes the person checking barcodes inside of Kilachand says ‘hi’ to me,” said Claudia Weiss (COM ‘24), “It’s nice to have stimulating conversation during this crazy time.”

Many students have been seen running to the back of the line when they get close to the front, intentionally spilling the liquid in their tube to prolong the test, and asking the testing center employees to continuously repeat the swabbing instructions. Other students have attempted to bring back normal pre-COVID activities.

“To students, we thank you for your compliance,” said Dean Elmore in a statement issued by the university, “But please stop bringing White Claws and ping pong balls to our COVID testing centers.”

At press time, it’s reported that a fraternity is being established in the waiting line to get a test at 808 between the times of 2:15 pm and 2:35 pm on Tuesdays. Their first pledging activity is reportedly seeing how far they can stick the swab up their nose.

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