Photoshopped by Shannon Damiano (COM '22).
Emma Simonoff (COM '21)

Emma Simonoff is a Sophomore studying Film and TV.

On Wednesday morning, laser eye surgery giant Lasik announced a brand new procedure.

Instead of simply correcting the shape of the cornea, this new surgery will attach a sepia-colored filter to the eye. This will create “cozy shades of browns and yellow” in the patient’s vision, which the company asserts will make everything look “like an episode of Gilmore Girls” or “a fond, distant memory.”

While traditional Lasik surgeries are performed to improve a patient’s vision, the color saturation of the filter actually impedes incoming light rays and might cause patients to need glasses. Lasik reps claim that this is an intentional feature of the product: “It’s a little blurry, almost like a dream. Or like maybe you have some sort of unknown disease. To us, that’s fall.”

The FDA has approved the procedure after being lobbied by The Daughters of Money, a coalition created by teenage daughters of the rich who want to use their power to advocate for good. TDM’s past successful projects include getting Friends back on Netflix and making leggings allowed by high school dress codes across America.

Partnering with VSCO, Lasik will roll out eleven more filter options over the next year, including “Valencia,” “Black and White,” and “F2754.”

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