It’s that time of year again where people are walking around either in shorts or full length puffy coats. I prefer to not suffer from hypothermia so I tend to go for the second choice. Although, that does mean that there are days I’m sweating my ass off because the day started off at 40 degrees and it jumped up to a whopping 70 degrees by 2 PM.
To go with my giant puffer jacket I, of course, add a mask for safety. I don’t want to be exposed on the street, covid is still roaring here in 2021. Just because every single one of my friends just packed themselves into a random basement last night doesn’t mean that I can’t get Ms. Rona from walking down the street with no one around.
Plus the mask keeps my face warm. It’s an extra protective layer from the frosty morning air. Yet somehow every single time it’s less than 60 degrees out I get a seductive little sweat stache from the moisture inside my mask. This dripping wet stache is so much more flirtatious than the little pedo stache 18 year old boys try to grow their first year of college to not get carded at the bar (which honestly just makes them turn you away instead of asking to see your trashy fake).
The sexy sweat stache is the way to go this fall and winter season. Don’t let your naked face out for everyone to see. That’s just a little too intimate if you ask me. If your lab partner in biology hasn’t even seen your face why should random people on the street? The only acceptable time for strangers to get a peak of your fuzzy secret is in the dining hall while you’re downing a burger in 30 seconds between classes.
The mask heats your face, the coat keeps your body warm, so why would anyone want to be within a 6 foot radius of someone else? I know we thought social distancing was almost in the past, but who doesn’t wanna be that super safe, quirky, mysterious girl that stays 6 feet away from everyone. Plus going on social distanced dates is a little throwback that random guys off Tinder 100% enjoy. Although I’m starting to think Kyle was a little irritated by it. He kept reaching for the mask loop by my ear while we were watching Despicable Me 2, but I thought that was just to get my hair out of my face.
He definitely would have thanked me for keeping the mask on, because the sensual sweat stache I grow every few hours leaves my lips tasting saltier than his swimmy guys ever could. I’m glad he never discovered that though because we probably wouldn’t have done the devil’s dance. And, because of the mask, my friends can’t scold me about using protection, even though we didn’t use a condom!