JANITOR’S CLOSET—Jacob Werner, a first-year sanitation worker at Boston University, has been offered an exclusive invitation to Sigma Nu Sanitation Department, the university’s premier cleaning organization.

“I can’t believe I got a bid at Sig Nu Sanitation,” Werner said. “They have the dopest parties and the best cleaning supplies, not like those sissies over at Alpha Delta Custodial Operations.”

Todd Thacker, the lead cleaner and president of Sig Nu Sanitation, said Werner distinguished himself as a top candidate because of his leadership abilities as well as his stylish Vineyard Vines broom and mop.

“Werner really encapsulates the spirit of a Sig Nu man,” Thacker said. “He doesn’t stop until the job is done, plus he wears Croakies when he cleans bathrooms which is hella fly.”

Werner was put through a number of grueling activities before he was offered his bid, including chugging a handle of Vodka before sanitizing the bathrooms at SMG.  He also had to chug a handle of rum, put on a blindfold, and vacuum Mugar Library.

“My brothers put me through some tough stuff, but that is how we became really close,” Werner said. “It’ll all be worth it once we have mixers with the cute girls at Sigma Kappa Plumbing Department.”

At press time, Werner was putting most of his paycheck towards being a member of the premier organization.

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