By Grace O’Brien

CAS – There is a new wonder lurking in the shadows of the CAS Astronomy realm. It is not a new telescope and certainly not a working air conditioning unit, but a hot piece of action. Watch out, a troll with a riddle has moved in!

On a normal day, he can be found in the hidden staircase that links the mortal world to the astronomy floor. His vibe has been placed as “mysterious,” “greasy,” and “intoxicating.” 

Whilst running through the labyrinth of the fifth floor to get to their class, many a student has become distracted by his elusive charm and stop for a riddle or two. The rules are simple: if you win then you get to go to class, but if he wins then he gets the soul of your firstborn. Fairly equivalent stakes. 

The Troll’s final question after a student solves his riddle is usually, “Netflix and chill?” He pulls as hard as gravity itself and even draws suitors to him despite the journey being comparable to Odysseus’ Odyssey.

One smitten student, Jennifer Greene (QST 23), said, “I don’t even have a class up here, but when I heard that there was a guy asking thoughtful questions that weren’t just ‘What’s your major?’ I knew I had to find him.”

“What can I say! His cackle is so cute, and when he does that little jig whenever someone gets a riddle wrong, it makes me blush!’ Green said. “He isn’t perfect though. Since he only carries silver shillings with him, I’ve had to pay for our last three dates at TITs. I bought him four rounds of mead and I’m still waiting on his Venmo. And I can see him paying Bartholemew of the Barrens for ‘mushroom emoji, sparkle emoji, fire emoji’, whatever that means.”

However, some students are not as impressed with his riddles and believe his whole schtick can be likened to a neverending game of 20 questions at a frat party. Heather Jones (COM 22) said, “It’s always ‘What’s two squares, but all a round, sings like a bird but makes no sound?’ He never asks ‘How are you?’ or about any of my hobbies. I don’t know, I thought he was different.” 

Sources report that short guys are a hot commodity at the moment with many students warming up to the idea of swapping things other than riddles with the 3’11” lad. One student, Sara Weiss (CAS 22), said, “If Zendaya can date a short king, then so can I!”

When asked to comment on the hysteria, the Troll just mischievously giggled and winked.

At press time, it worked on the writer of this article. Our date is on Thursday 🙂 hehe 

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